 | A WRITER'S WIT |  C. Bernstein |
MY BOOK WORLD
Norton, Graham. Ask Graham. London: Blake, 2010.
One is not exactly sure how a future talk-show host would evolve from being a Dear Abby columnist for a London newspaper, but here he is, Graham Norton. If you’ve ever watched his show on BBC America, then you are well acquainted with his quick (and searing) wit and yet his genuine concern for others. Those two characteristics and more are featured in this his first book (I’ve decided to read them all, just for a laugh, you see).
Honestly, some of these letters see so stupid and ridiculous as to be made up to two thirteen-year-old kids on a slow Saturday night. Dear Graham, my Greek girlfriend makes such a racket when we make love that I can’t look my neighbours in the eye when I pass them in the hall (33). Another writer confesses to finding a date online by lying and saying she’s a sporty type. She winds up having sex with a good-looking fellow; only problem: he likes to have sex in public places. Graham advises: Let’s examine the evidence. You ticked the “sport” box on your online form, but I don’t see how that translates into standing on a fire escaped stuffing your knickers into your handbag (46).
Ultimately, Norton’s answers leave a lot of room for his comedic talents to take over, without besmirching the fine advice he’s administering. One person writes in, confessing that her boyfriend’s family are all musicians and how tiresome that becomes after a while. So he answers: I would never encourage anyone to do this, but I wonder if you might feel a little better if you dribbled the juice from a can of sardines inside their piano before you left for the last time? Just a thought (115).
This response of Graham’s speaks for itself:
Dear Melissa,
Fat pompous husbands are trying to cheat on their smug wives and you are worried about offending them by saying no? There is a time and a place for etiquette, and trust me this isn’t one of them.
My main piece of advice would be to stop accepting invitations to these hideous dinner parties. As for meeting a like-minded man, well, that many not be so easy. Your letter seems strangely negative to me. The only things that come in for any praise are the Dorset scenery and yourself—nothing else seems to come up to the high standards of Melissa. It is all very well to have opinions and strong ones but don’t expect other people to agree or like them. I imagine that the world according to Melissa is quite a hard one to live in.
You have two failed marriage in quite a short period of time and you are living alone in Dorset mixing with people you don’t like. Something is wrong with this picture. I know I’m making assumptions based on a short letter but maybe you should try to judge less and open yourself up to new experiences.
Make your world bigger not smaller and maybe other people will want to share it (230).
Nuff said? The guy has what it takes to dole out advice. Be kind but tell the truth!
Up Next:
TUES: A Writer's Wit | Toni Morrison
WEDS: A Writer's Wit | Amy Tan
THURS: A Writer's Wit | Hesketh Pearson
FRI: My Book World | Michael Nott, Thom Gunn: A Cool Queer Life
One is not exactly sure how a future talk-show host would evolve from being a Dear Abby columnist for a London newspaper, but here he is, Graham Norton. If you’ve ever watched his show on BBC America, then you are well acquainted with his quick (and searing) wit and yet his genuine concern for others. Those two characteristics and more are featured in this his first book (I’ve decided to read them all, just for a laugh, you see).
Honestly, some of these letters see so stupid and ridiculous as to be made up to two thirteen-year-old kids on a slow Saturday night. Dear Graham, my Greek girlfriend makes such a racket when we make love that I can’t look my neighbours in the eye when I pass them in the hall (33). Another writer confesses to finding a date online by lying and saying she’s a sporty type. She winds up having sex with a good-looking fellow; only problem: he likes to have sex in public places. Graham advises: Let’s examine the evidence. You ticked the “sport” box on your online form, but I don’t see how that translates into standing on a fire escaped stuffing your knickers into your handbag (46).
Ultimately, Norton’s answers leave a lot of room for his comedic talents to take over, without besmirching the fine advice he’s administering. One person writes in, confessing that her boyfriend’s family are all musicians and how tiresome that becomes after a while. So he answers: I would never encourage anyone to do this, but I wonder if you might feel a little better if you dribbled the juice from a can of sardines inside their piano before you left for the last time? Just a thought (115).
This response of Graham’s speaks for itself:
Dear Melissa,
Fat pompous husbands are trying to cheat on their smug wives and you are worried about offending them by saying no? There is a time and a place for etiquette, and trust me this isn’t one of them.
My main piece of advice would be to stop accepting invitations to these hideous dinner parties. As for meeting a like-minded man, well, that many not be so easy. Your letter seems strangely negative to me. The only things that come in for any praise are the Dorset scenery and yourself—nothing else seems to come up to the high standards of Melissa. It is all very well to have opinions and strong ones but don’t expect other people to agree or like them. I imagine that the world according to Melissa is quite a hard one to live in.
You have two failed marriage in quite a short period of time and you are living alone in Dorset mixing with people you don’t like. Something is wrong with this picture. I know I’m making assumptions based on a short letter but maybe you should try to judge less and open yourself up to new experiences.
Make your world bigger not smaller and maybe other people will want to share it (230).
Nuff said? The guy has what it takes to dole out advice. Be kind but tell the truth!
Up Next:
TUES: A Writer's Wit | Toni Morrison
WEDS: A Writer's Wit | Amy Tan
THURS: A Writer's Wit | Hesketh Pearson
FRI: My Book World | Michael Nott, Thom Gunn: A Cool Queer Life
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